Hello 2010! You are coming while I am late. And yet, life starts to roll a new story. It is just a beginning of month, and why do you give me such hardships. Blame me or did other whispers came from another part of your body? Guess you are not worth any advise and I feel useless. Azam baru ek? just give me a space, thank you. I vowed in what all people need till I ignored or could be called "forgot" in all what I want. Flashback to the things I want, should I?
1) Peace 2) Study 3) Spend my life for enjoy. 4) Travel out of Brunei. 5) No issue on how I used to be, where I came from, when I learned to be like this and so whatever people think.
But all of those not coming, even though I have knocked it, several times and even waited till almost end of 2009 so I changed the plan to these:
1) Learn to bark - Noise annoyed me everyday! The sound, and voice especially. so i can't help but fight them back. 2) Strike the study - I can't afford this T_T. Think I am not gonna complete my degree forever. 3) Spend my life for enjoy - Yeah, people hate me when excitement comes in life, even for once. 4) Stuck in Hometown forever- Think that I am not going. It might be interesting journey in Brunei if I learn. 5) Be a fool - My feeling is not considered important to him, and to all. No notice sign labeled "I AM HURT, you know" so i can't blame you for not seeing how i feel so far.
And 2010 comes, wow! I feel so empty! I have found ' Love is not always better, cos Time Swings it to Bitter." Ego comes first, and smart comes last. but when it comes to conclusion, "Forget all ego, so forgive me"
All the bads will come through me, and when it comes to conclusion, you may say all these forgiving things which I ended up asking, "Do I feel more better then?" If I am the one who lead the life of me and you, who are going to lead the love that been tied for us? If I am THE ONLY ONE needed to be blame, how big are my mistakes then? I am tried to convince your feeling for not being a traitor of love.
Human must have a mistake. So do I. But people used to say, "ONCE you are a liar, you are ALWAYS a liar" For a beginning, I am amused but later it might happen to referring person who never learn to loyal to her/himself. Boys don't have to explain the shape of his heart inside. All girls need are just, the emotion while saying it, without asking for reward or reply. It isn't enough if I said I love you too, cos love doesn't count on it. It counts on your loyalty and sacrification. My loyalty? You don't even think I have one, do you? It is because trust never exist in your sacrification.
Well, well ... all I can express here is I hate things going on this lately. It, he and us made me sick. So enough! and luckily I am home earlier than ever. Give me time to clear off the dusty mind. ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND!
People might think I am innocent . People might think I am bad . People might think I am not suitable to be with . and he used those thinking as a 'fact', which I am not . I can learn to be so good and everything he wants, but all of those, he never learn to see the goods on me . I enjoyed his needs , I fulfill his wishes and I am almost step on next level , which I have enough of thoughts in mind that he's the one I want , and he's the forever. But the forever equals to z-e-r-o right now . I am tired to have such a heart to love someone in deeply . The words that been said about me , thanked to him . He is the guy that see something in me, at least . He is the guy that said I am beautiful no matter what and appreciate me as how I need. But it isn't enough . In relationship , appreciate is just a beginning for a romance . Every arguments we had , I used my whole feeling to fix the things so that he won't make such stupid no-ledge thinking . I did it several times and figure that he never learn to do same way to clear the things , and all he wanna do is RUN AWAY .
I don't mind being dumped . but I am disappointed with what we have been through for 7 months , he still does not trust me and hate me for being what I used to be . I can't confront him and say all of these . There will be no me and you anymore. May god bless and brings you a happiness there .
Damn . I feel so down . Few days ago this kid turned my day into sh*** . and that weirdo kept on pushing me to a fight . and now , she dragged her mom to this kind of confrontation , which I feel useless . she even texted me to see her and explain to her mom on what exactly happened . stupido! you have your own mouth, she's your mom, you should tell the truth to her instead of me. but whatever , I am not going to please myself , just ignore it while I know she's too young for these . So kid, just give me a break. It is all up to you if you wanna splash words in your facebook about me . I don't mind .
All I care is now . . . I feel so deep, especially after listen to the song called "Luka Disini" . Last Saturday made me think "What if?" all the time, and everytime I think of the answers to those, it seems that I have no life no more . I am probably stupid , but that's all I could do .
Blame me for all .
June 4, 2009
1:45 PM
May is over, which I am free from Shutdown season. Fuh! Goodbye♥ hardtimes! And June is started now, Welcome! and thanks to it since I have time to complete the works that I need to be done.
Been an age this blog is inactive with the latest updates. am sorry beeps! plus I am addicted after been introduced to Facebook. Ha3x xp. and it's not that I have no story to be wrote in here, it just life is so complicated that been wrote on the fate, and I don't think I would mind to bother it in another page. All I want is to erase all of those and refresh it back to normal. Meaning? Nothing, Now I am good. I feel so damn sleepy. It is probably cos of overslept last night, which I did not spend most of my times on texting, but to sleep before 9.30pm, unusual hours. Ha3x. The report is even still in 30% process. Hmph.
Oh Yes.... one incident happened in my office, and I am totally burst out laughing when my crazzy / stupiddo buddies (Zun & Najmi) do some gay actions which Najmi started it by biting Zun's shoulder till you can see the shape of his saliva and Zun even commented that he could feel it through his body. errghh. Stupid eh. So as the return, Zun going to bite him back by hugging him tightly and do some tickles till Najmi made a funny expression and he even sweat! Ha5x. But no happy ending for both of them when our staff came. The scene is captured by Stanely, and as for me, I am just a laughter. bUaHahA.
Lunch is over, and like usual, I need to have one with my lovie, even though I don't feel like eating at this moment. No idea, it's not because of no money, salary is out yesterday, and I feel ⅝ ; which I am happy and scared at the same time. I am happy cos finally my handphone is finally refill!!! and my car too.. but, it scared me for a lil bit since I HAVE A LOT THINGS TO BE PAID!!!! GRRRRR..... 1) Dresses for upcoming wedding occassions 2) My Croc's shoe 3) My car's service -> ♥ need to ask from my dad ♥ better. 4) My Cats ♥ 5) Do Hair Treatment 6) And most important is ♥T♥o♥p ♥U♥p♥!!!
Those lists made my decision to make new coverall canceled. Hampeh. So me and Siti have created our motto for this month 'Do Not Eat' for the save budget purpose.
♥There's nothing I could say to you Nothing I could ever do to make you see What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried Still you never said goodbye and now I know How far you'd go
I know I let you down But it's not like that now This time I'll never let you go
I will be, all that you want And gather myself together Cause you keep me from falling apart All my life, I'll be with you forever To get you through the day And make everything OK
I thought that I had everything I didn't know what life could bring But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right The only one I let inside Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me
And if I let you down I'll turn it all around Cause I would never let you go
Cause without you I cant breathe I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave You're all I've got, you're all I want
And without you I don't know what I'd do I can never, ever live a day without you Here with me, do you see, You're all I need♥
To my dearest Cuzzie in Kpg. Bukit Beruang named "Hafiz" who get accepted by MKJB for the Marine Course in Pre-National Diploma Programme. Hopefully the interview will success. And once you are accepted, please study hard to achieve the better future. and yeah, it is package while learning in MKJB okay.... You know what I mean;ALLOWANCE. HAHAHAHAHA.
Akhirnya tibalah masa anak damit memasuki alam orang dewasa....hahahaha!!!! and yeah, this is specially dedicated to My Crazzie Cuzzie named MET!!! Let's sing a 18th Birthday song for her!!!!!!!
tut tut tut tut tut ~ ~
well, seems nobody wanna sing anyway...hahahahahahaz. okaylah, i dont want to sing though, but like usual, here are my wishlists:
1) May Allah bless you and answer your pray, babe. 2) Wish you are getting taller and quiet. hahahaz. I am honestly pray for you, everyday! 3) Wish you treat me to the arcade as we have planned even though until now, no action. hmph. 4) Wish you happy with your beloved family, cuzzies (pointing at me especially), friends and your 'toyboy'. hahahaha. 5) Wish you success in study and future. Let all the lucks come in your life. Peace.
Simple thing is all i care about. It is a genuinely fact that I may innocent in a time and people might say I am like this and that x. But I never ask for the opinion anyway.
- Just, be here and enjoy your day, ladies & gentlemen.
A smile is nearly always inspired by another smile.
